I can tell you who I want to be, I can tell you the kind of life I want to live, but aside from that, there really isn’t much else that I am certain of. I graduate in May and will then be looking for a "real life" job. I find myself asking, "Where will I live?, Where will I work?, Will I be a teacher? Will I be in a relationship? Who will I marry? Will I be able to survive on my own?!" I often refer to my life as a big question mark. So I try to cling to anything known; It helps me stay far away from the words that cause me so much anxiety:
“I don’t know.”
When I speak those words it seems like the world retorts right back saying, “Well you better find out.”
All around me I feel as if everyone else "knows." They have it all figured out, they're getting married, they have a job lined up, etc. (This is completely false but for some reason I trick myself into believing it.) I get so caught up in planning and controlling my future that I forget to enjoy the present. And to be honest, when I get caught up in the control, anxiety ensues and I break down.
And that's when I say, I just want it to be okay to say ‘I don’t know.'
Isn’t that what we all want? It to just be okay to not know, not know where you’re going, not know what job you may get (or not get), not know who to date, not know what you want to do, not even know what your passionate about, to just not know what your doing in this crazy life.
Why can’t we just rest in the unknown? Why do we have such a hard time enjoying life in between our aspirations and not knowing how to achieve them, in between knowing who we want to be and not knowing how to be that person.
I want to enjoy the unknown.. So..
Let’s just enjoy the unknown!
Proverbs 25:2 (NIV) says that “It is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings.”
THE GLORY OF GOD TO CONCEAL A MATTER!
God intentionally sets things in the unknown so that it is our glory to seek them out, through finding rest and assurance in Him. So that we have the faith to say “I don’t know,” and still live life filled with peace, filled with hope, filled with REST. (Oh, thank goodness!!)
Instead of running away from what’s ahead, because worldly standards pressure me to be fearful of the unknown, I am choosing today to rest in the fact that it is the glory of God to conceal a matter. I am believing that even when I don’t know where my next step is leading me, the path is fruitful, and so I’m just going to keep on walking.
