Dear Eighteen-Year-Old Me, (An Ode to Turning 20)

A lot is going to occur in the next couple of years. You finish high school, discover yourself, and your passions. You start college! It's fantastic, but quit worrying about the little things. You join the Speech Team, but that just didn't work out because it wasn't really your passion anymore and quite frankly, it gave you panic attacks! You had a hard time quitting the team, that's because you were always an overachiever, weren't you? You always worry about pleasing those around you, so quit that! You'll learn soon. You're going to fall in love for the very first time this year. When you look back, you'll wish that you could change a lot of things, but be glad it all happened. School will be really overwhelming, but you will love it and be ok. You'll graduate and then go to SIU. Oh, and that boy you loved? Yeah, well that didn't work out. No harm, no foul, but he will make all the difference. Yes, yes, he will open your eyes, but not right away of course. Good things come in time. Okay, so you absolutely love school and everything Carbondale offers. There will be boys and friends and you'll lose them along the way, but things are really going for you. You cherish and appreciate every single moment. You went from a selfish girl to a selfless women in the time it took to walk the capital steps. Everything changes. You'll meet and keep the most amazing friends in the world. You will always be second, third, or actually forth. Take it though, because you use to do the same to another. You'll learn from it and it will make you a better person (I hope so anyway). All those morals and hopes and dreams you have for yourself- don't lose those! They will be so important when you lose everything. You won't see it coming at all. Take in the sadness and dwell in it, but only for a moment. You've got so much to do! You'll take many tests and create many lessons and your cooperating teacher will be the most amazing person in the world. You'll learn a lot from her, so keep your ears open. You will fall in love with the classroom and with those precious kiddos you're going to be teaching.  Spring fever will kick in but don't let it get you down! You'll be disconnected from school, so work extra had to stay on top of your work. You find small glimpses of happiness in the 20 minute breaks for dinner and walks around campus lake. Hold onto that faith of yours. It's hands down the most important thing you'll ever have. Always stand your ground. People love you for who you are, so never try to be anything but that. You've also got the best friends in the world. Never take them for granted and tell them how much they mean to you. And Kellyn, don't you ever regret loving someone and loving them with your whole being.