I've been thinking about a lot of things that have happened recently. Everything is changing and everything is really, really good. I think back to where I was a year and a half ago and everything that I had planned for myself. For some reason, at age 19, I made so many plans. I mapped out literally every single thing that I wanted (at the time.) I thought I knew who I would marry, where I would live, what I would do with my life, where I would work, etc. I think girls have a tendency to map out everything from time to time. I guess we just like to be on top of things, or so we think.
Fast forward to now, 2013:
Every single thing that I had planned for myself is completely different than what I thought it would be. It's kindof funny, I feel like I had planned my life all out and God just knocked it all down forcing me to trust Him and His will for my life. I thought I had the "perfect planned out life," but soon realized how silly that was of me. No matter how hard I tried to make my own plan work, I feel like God always had his way of saying "no." Honestly, a couple of months ago I knew I needed to quit attempting to figure it all out and have all the answers. Honestly, the past few months I've done a couple of things that I never ever thought I would ever do, but they have turned out to be so good.
But of course, recently I've been trying to plan it all out yet again! I always think about how a year from now I will no longer be a student. I will be graduating. I will be a real life teacher. Quite frankly, this scares me more than anything at the moment. And, I hope I'm not alone in this. I'm not doubting my ability to be a teacher, but my ability to be a functioning adult. Ha ha! However, I am constantly reminded to put my entire, whole heart and trust back into Him. Because He knows better than anyone else, especially me.
No matter what I have planned for my life, God has a much better plan that I could ever imagine.
I'm just so silly sometimes and like to doubt God (no bueno, Kellyn. One of my many weaknesses!) He has given me everything I need, and even things I didn't even know I needed. I realize that I'm scared and I like to take things into my own hands most of the time; however, I think about it, and not completely knowing what is going to happen is kindof exciting, right? I mean, anything could happen. Ah! That's exciting! I think I'll try to be more open-minded to this, and the fact that spontaneous and not necessarily knowing all is such a good thing, especially when it's not in my hands.
Giving and receiving trust has shown to be so completely rewarding and I can't wait for more.
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